Reasons Why I'm Hating Artemis Fowl Right Now
by Splodge-Rox
Summary: I’m not a Dear-Diary-Today-my-hair-was-a-mess-boo-hoo-oh-woe-is-me kind of girl. I’m more of a Say-one-more-word-about-my-hair-and-it-won’t-be-the-only-thing-that’s-messed-up-you-creep person. So this could come as a surprise." Written by an angry Holly.


**A/N: WARNING!! SPOILERS AHEAD!! If you haven't read Artemis Fowl and The Time Paradox, you probably don't want to read this. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!**

**Anyway, I just felt like doing this. Oneshot. And I don't own Artemis Fowl. Hope you like it.**

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Ok, so I know I'm not really the kind of person who writes down stuff in a diary. I'm not a Dear-Diary-Today-my-hair-was-a-mess-boo-hoo-oh-woe-is-me kind of girl. I'm more of a Say-one-more-word-about-my-hair-and-it-won't-be-the-only-thing-that's-messed-up-you-creep person. So this could come as a surprise.

But I've got no better way to calm myself down and I think the general population will thank me for doing this instead of punching everyone I meet in the face. And no, although it may appear differently, I do not belong in a mental hospital. I'm just one of those people who expresses their emotions in a physical way. A very **violent** physical way. Oh great, so now I'm talking to a piece of paper. Maybe I do belong in a mental hospital…..

Anyway, I should get on with it.

**Reasons Why I'm Hating Artemis Fowl Right Now**

Hmph, so it's not the world's best title ok? You can stop laughing now.

1. Artemis Fowl is a genius. Simple fact. But seriously, do you have **any** idea how **annoying** a genius can be? Especially when there are two of them. And you call them genius's and immediately they reply at the same time, **both** looking exasperated, "It's genii." Geez. It is extremely annoying to be corrected at grammar by someone less than half your age.

2. Oh, and Fowl's always sprouting something that makes no sense whatsoever to **normal **people and has something to do with Mathematics. Or Physics. Or Music. Or the Fairy People. Or Literature. Actually, he's exceptionally good at pretty much everything. Extremely annoying. And not the least bit impressive. Right.

Except when he manages to come up with an elaborate scheme that somehow seems to work and defeats all those sadistic bad guys (or fairies, whichever way you want to say it) that are trying to take over the world and….you know what? Just forget it. I'm beginning to depress myself.

3. Um, what next. Oh yes. His **vampire** smile. Does anybody else find that a bit creepy? And the scariest thing is that he actually looks like a vampire when he does it. Because he speaks like an adult, and is extremely pale, and is tall dark and goodlookin- Oh D'Arvit. I did** not** just think that. Frond. Uh, ok. Moving on.

4. He's arrogant. And of course, he just **has** to flaunt the fact that he has a superhuman brain and knows so much about this and that. For example: _"Trust me. I'm a genius"_ Well **good** for him.

5. I hate how I'm willing to do so much for him. I mean, it's not like he's the most wonderful person on (and under) the earth. Hell no. Fowl's actually one of the worst friends I've ever had. Except perhaps for Mulch. I'm never too sure about Mulch.

Oh, and you ask **why** exactly he's one of my worst friends? Well let me give you a few things that may have factored into the equation. (D'Arvit! I'm even starting to **talk** like Fowl!)

Me and Fowl didn't meet under any normal circumstances. Oh no. Heaven forbid. This is **Artemis Fowl** we're talking about here. So, the way fate worked it out, me and little Artemis met when he kidnapped me. Yup, you heard right. Kidnapped. I got out of that hell hole eventually, in case you're wondering. I'm not languishing in a dungeon somewhere. So yeah. Me and Fowl didn't really get off on a good start.

Somehow or other, in between saving the world and all that, we became friends. (Don't ask me how. Because I have absolutely no clue.)

And then he goes and lies and **blackmails** me into thinking that in infected his mother with a deadly disease. And he makes me travel (and I'm talking literally here) back in time to find a cure for his mother. And, of course, because this is Artemis Fowl, the cure is a lemur. That's right. The cure for his mother's fatal (that turned out to be not so fateful after all) sickness was a lemur named Jay Jay. I'm not going to go into any more details, because, as I said before, I have some slight problems in anger management.

5. Ok, back on track. I hate how he acts. I mean, he's just a skinny little kid. And he's less than half my age. And he manages to pull off these colossal achievements (like saving the world, **but **with everyone else's help. Don't forget that!) all the while acting like he's a hundred years old! And when he does something-….he still makes me feel so confused and upset and- …Oh no. Not again. Bad **bad** Holly.

6. I hate the way he talks. I mean, come on! He sounds like a geeky university professor (not including the fairy facts that he likes to sprout on the odd occasion). And it's kind of weird to hear all these sophisticated thoughts coming from a teenager. Then again, this **is** Artemis Fowl. I suppose that I should be used to it by now.

7. I hate how I'm such a pushover with him. Geez. _Sigh._ I suppose that's what happens when I repeatedly listen to his orders when there's a crisis. Now it's becoming a habit.

Right.

Be quiet conscience! It's a perfectly rational explanation!

Suuure.

Honestly! I thought you were my "guide to goodness"! Since when did you learn sarcasm??!

Hmm. Let me think… I think it was when you became friends with a certain Mud Boy…

Dammit! Now he's even influencing my conscience!! And the worst thing is I have got a **waaay** better conscience than he does. Just think!Soon mine will start solving mathematical equations.…_shudder._

And I've just realized that now I'm not **only** having a conversation with a piece of paper, but also with a voice inside my head. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

But think of the general public! 

Ah! It's back again! The dreaded conscience returns!

Dreaded is overdoing it a bit, don't you think? Anyway, think of the general public that you are not going around and hitting in the face right now! You're writing on this piece of paper instead! I'm sure that they are very grateful!

Shut up about the general public! They're a bunch of sniveling wrecks who-….actually, why under earth am I arguing with my own conscience anyway??

Because I want you to keep writing on the piece of paper.

I don't know what to write anyway!

Oh riiight…

Fine! Fine! I'll write on the D'Arvitting piece of paper!!

Good.

Hmph.

**Anyway**, before we were so rudely interrupted, POP (Piece Of Paper), I was listing some of the things that I hate about Artemis Fowl. (And yes, I do realize that naming a piece of paper and having a conversation with it is a sign of insanity. You don't have to tell me)

8. I really hate the fact that I've run out of things to hate about him already! And that I forgive him too easily! I still can't believe that I forgave him for blackmailing and lying to me about his mother! Why in Frond's name did I do that?

Because…

Oh no. Not you again….and what do you mean "Because…"?

I think you know that answer for yourself.

Conscience. You **know** I have anger issues so for **Frond's sake stop being so cryptic!!**

Alright! Alright! To put it simply…

For once.

Do you want me to tell you or not!

Ok, sorry!

….You love him.

Love who?

**Artemis Fowl!!**

I **WHAT??!! **……No….I can't….that's impossible…

Uh huh, sure. So if you don't love him, why did you kiss him?

Uh, because I was happy he was alive? And the healing magic was a factor as well?

Nice try, but nope. Not falling for it.

Why would I love him??? I mean, think of what he's done! Kidnapping me, lying to me, endangering my life so many times I can't even count?

But he's also protected you, **saved** you life so many times you can't count. And he's become a different person to the boy who kidnapped you! His mother's life was in danger when he lied to you, and he confessed about that to you in the end. And the endangering of life part wasn't really in his control.

But……

Still unsure? What happens to your heart when he says your name?

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I think back. When Artemis says my name. Not Captain Short, not Fairy and not Captain. Just simply, "Holly." And my heart leaps in my chest. I think of all the things that we've gone through.

Him kidnapping me.

Rescuing his father in the Artic and defeating Opal.

Getting his stupid Cube back from Jon Spiro.

Escaping from trolls.

Traveling through time.

Sharing our minds via magic.

And the kiss.

And now, finally, thinking back to the many things we have shared together, the good and the bad, I realize the truth.

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So? What's your answer?

I……love him.

Ha. Knew it.

Well of course you knew it.

Because I'm your conscience.

Right.

I'm in a daze. I can hardly think. I mean, me? Holly Short? Recon's first female officer? Tough to the core and loses to no one?

And now I have lost. Lost my heart to a skinny, super smart, loyal, arrogant, confusing and (I can hardly believe that I'm applying this word to him) **good **Mud Boy. And the funny thing is that I don't mind a bit.

And then, just like that, it **really** hits me.

I'm in love with Artemis Fowl.

Oh D'Arvit.

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**A/N: Hope you liked it. It's a bit random, but anyway. Oh, and for those people who haven't figured it out yet, the ****underlined**** words are Holly's conscience speaking. Just in case. Please review! XD**

**Splodge**


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